Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
