we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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