I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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