The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
