Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
