what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
