would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
