is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
