2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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