I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Randomize
