i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
