if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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