Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
