your room smells of hookers.
And success
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
