How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
