I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
