So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
