we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
