We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
