I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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