What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
