I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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