i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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