Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
