I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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