Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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