If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
