ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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