i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
