She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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