Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize