Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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