good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
