Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
