You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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