I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
