He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we're making bets on your personal life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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