I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
