Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
