I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize