You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
