eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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