I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
