First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
