Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
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Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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