I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
