dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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