two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
