Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
