I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
