I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
