its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
