I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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