I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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