We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
