He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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