I feel like I'm in dance class right now
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He shit in the fireplace
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
