no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize