She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
