They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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