Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
