we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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