I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
