That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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