For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
