NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
