I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
not ubering you a puppy
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