turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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