I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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