She just used a chaser for red wine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love you. Go after that dick
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
