Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
