I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
