Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
