Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
